akeboshi - wind (instrumental)
time passes quickly, and this is propably going to be my last post in here this year. i'm feeling a little confused; such a lot of things have happened, and nothing at the same time. lately i've been feeling a little empty. empty of feelings, empty of words, like a marionette in someone other's hands. for me it's natural to think terribly much, even too much, but from time to time i just become like a zombie.
sometimes, it's good for me.
this year has included a lot of tears and fear, a lot of self hate and desperate moments. but as well as that, it also presented me many smiles and laughs, sense of succeding things working out, sooner or later; good times with friends to whom my heart filled with love and care. it's such a great treasure to have people like that and i couldn't be more grateful than this.
without them, i'd have nothing.
but as much as i wanted to stop the time at some moments, it can't happen. some things last and some don't, making room to new ones. it is how life is supposed to be, and it is how it goes. luckily i can hold on to my friends, there's no need to give up them, but even so there's still always something that doesn't stay.
sometimes we all just have to move on. we'll maybe cry a little bit and then open our eyes to something we hadn't been able to see or imagine, not even in our freakiest dreams. i once saw a funny pic in the internet, i said something like "nothing lasts forever. so if things are going well, enjoy it. and if the aren't, don't worry - it's soon over anyway." as i told you it just had the purpose to make you laugh but i think there is a touch of truth, after all.
nothing lasts forever indeed. and in a reality like that it can sometimes be good for you to make some goals. concrete or not, it doesn't matter. and neither does it matter if you succes or not. it's the journey that matters, they say.
so next year,
next year i am going to free myself. because it isn't always the world that's got something wrong but the way you look to it. it maybe isn't necessary to do things differently, just to change your thinking a bit - and in fact, it can be a challenge far more difficult than just getting up and doing things concretely. all the same, next year i promise i will try and open my eyes for something new.
what happens then, i have no idea.